(footnote: So what can I tell you? I did MA for 4 weeks and meeting other former stoners and hearing their stories helped me. People did the same shit that I did! It is like a crack addict trying to pick up rocks in a dirty carpet-been there and done that. Driving 40 minutes for pot; check. Making up crazy rules like not smoking after 2 AM on a work night; yup. Justifying spending money when I couldn’t afford it; been there and done that.)
I can’t believe I started my blog with an athlete’s foot note!!!
Why did I quit? Being paranoid about dying for over 25 years. Being scared enough of dying to want to die. My wife reminded me of some these darker moments in life yesterday casually and in front of my 17 year old son. What was I going to say? My wife said it was related to untreated/under-treated bipolar disease. And I always have my ADHD to fall back on in a pinch. Or in the past, getting high so I would forget that I was afraid to die.
On a positive note, I was hanging out with a bunch of stoners at a Jam Band Show (read “Head Freeze” post) acting stoned but not stoned. At one point I felt like taking a hit of pot, but I did not want to start the “clean free” clock over again. It wasn’t worth it. But I was able to catch a nice contact high from being a round stoners. I am the same crazy person who rambles on and makes odd but funny comments. Doing crazy impolsive things like making fake business cards saying I am a VP of a cyropreservation company or dancing out of the club’s front door. I just need a circumstance to use my fake business cards-like Jim Rockford or Fletch!
Back to the topic at hand; If you stop doing drugs and drinking, YOU WILL NOT turn into a pumpkin or a frog. You will NOT sit around bored. You will find things to keep you busy. For me its Yoga, Music (my guitar and recording equipment), hobbies (coin collecting and blogging), work stuff (I look at investments and work on my real estate projects), and socializing (I actually have time and desire to pick up the phone and call people) and spending time with my wife (and kids if I can get them to trust me again to just “be present”)!
I am usually (more than before) reasonably calm; my anger out bursts have diminished greatly, helped by my prescribed meds (Latuda and Lamictal). I gained 15 pounds since I quit (although my waist didn’t balloon). I eat breakfast every day (never have in the past). I smell better (and I can smell better with my nose, and sometimes that is a big “smells like ass” moment-but this time it’s someone else that smells like shit).
I watch my friends justify their use of pot (footnote: I have very few friends who are drunks) and how its different than mine was or that my use was ok. I feel sorry, pity, for the ones that make up the excuses. A few use it responsibly. I met a guy from Warfrats, a Grateful Dead 12 step program. I made a friend at the cigar bar who is C&S (clean and sober). My childhood friend CN jr told me that he has been C&S for 10 months and said that my not drinking gave him strength.
All in all, I recommend at least trying it for 6 months, You can always start again. Anyone can say that they don’t need it but choose to do it. I have even looked into offering drug counseling (getting certified to help people quit pot as an alternative to 12 step). Quitting is not as tough as making a living, having a successful relationship, etc. Just do it. And by “it” I mean stopping drinking and drugging and start living. It may be the only life you have!!!
Stoned Sober 